62 - Social Anxiety, Shyness vs. Confidence, & How to Make Friends (feat. Dr. Ellen Hendriksen)

This week, we’re joined by Dr. Ellen Hendriksen to talk about Social Anxiety! We touch on all sorts of things including shyness, the difference between being an introvert and being social anxious, how to help others, ways to challenge our own social anxiety, and how to make friends as an adult. Dr. Hendriksen is an expert on social anxiety and the author of How To Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety.

Perceived deficits:
1. my anxiety
2. my appearance
3. my social skills
4. my character or personality

Tips for fighting social anxiety:
- give yourself some structure
- put behavior before confidence
- notice safety behaviors
- turn your attention inside out

Tips for making friends:
1. you need repetition
2. share about yourself
3. show them that you like them

Connect with Dr. Hendriksen on her website, Twitter, listen to The Savvy Psychologist, or buy How To Be Yourself on Amazon.

Quotes:
- “99% of people can relate to socially awkward moments.” (tweet)
- “Extroverts can also be socially anxious.” (tweet)
- “Social Anxiety is fundamentally about the reveal: the perception that something is wrong with us & unless we work really hard to hide it, it will be revealed.” (tweet)
- “Anxiety is driven by uncertainty.” (tweet)
- “Anxiety tells us two lies: (1) the worst case scenario is a foregone conclusion. (2) we can’t handle it.” (tweet)
- “If we wait to feel confident, we’re probably not gonna do the thing we’re afraid of. If we slowly do the thing, then the confidence catches up.” (tweet)
- “A good therapist is like a good bra: the job is both to push and support. The principles apply to friends too.” (tweet)
- “We don’t have to put on some kind of false front or persona to go out into the world. We are enough just as we are.” (tweet)
- “It takes 6-8 conversations before someone considers us a friend.” (tweet)

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Intro/Outro music for this episode is ‘Fall Down’ by Rivers & Robots.